Disclaimer: Ik kadhayil varum sambavangal matrum peyargal anaithum karpanaye.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” Her voice shrilled through the Hall. The Persian curtain curled in together trying to hide its crimson face away from her. Obviously, they would not like to heat up the thin girl standing in front of me fearing that she might add some extra pitch that would rip their ear drums off. I managed to look at her. Ananya.. hands were shaking uncontrollably with rage; fingers looked deadly with the same crimson red tips, shining like a butcher’s knife. Somehow it reminded me of a Vampire’s canine all set to tear open someone’s throat.
She gazed at me continuing, “How could you ever think that I would.. I would.. ” her beautiful eyes rolled as she stammered until she could find the right word. “FUCK!!!” She looked at me again.
I stood there awestruck. To be frank, this is not the first time I’ve heard her using the ‘F’ word, not in this sense. Its been 3 years since that happened for the first time.. By then, there were plenty of occasions I’ve heard her using the word; like when she got stuck cracking down the code when we were in training. But she was different then. A lot different.
//substory part1// I was sitting aside seeing her frustrated with the monitor or its content, she was biting the edges of her ID card making some clipping sound and said “FUCK!!!”. The sound was too loud to miss or to pretend like one. I stared her at absolute astonishment. She turned to me as if she’d done nothing wrong at all.
“WHAT??”. I was paralyzed by the command of her voice and started stuttering. “I.. I.. uh.. Can I help you there??“.
“Is that so?? Okie.. I’ve got this declaration error and motherfucker wont let me compile this shit. I’ve done everything I could. I even changed my code, I typed exactly what they been describing in the book but still no good”. I’m still shocked by her casual usage of swear words. She looked like she wont feel comfortable if someone talks to her more than 5 minutes without saying shit, fuck, ass whatsoever. Putting my wandering mind together, I stretched out my hands for the book. She didn return the gesture; not in classical sense.
“Where is your book?? “.
I said ”you’ve been using my book ever since the class started. I needed the book sometime back but didn dare to ask you that”. She stretched herself back turning the pages to read my name on it.. Her near growl slowly turned to be a grin and she looked at me, GOD.. she is a killer, “Why wouldn you ask me so??” I am really pleased for this girl to smile, smiling at me to be precise. I replied “You know, you’ve been having some issues with your desktop and looked so pissed off. So.. you know..” I’ve been turning my hands like I am a DJ with two turntables in front of me.
She caught up with my last word but waiting for me to get off with that ugly gesture (she told me later!!) and when Im finished she said, “You are a nice guy”.. Her head was nodding as if an Interviewer has got some right answers after meeting some personalities like my lecturers, for an instance.
That day I was walking my way home, reliving the whole thing happened there in the training room. God.. How can a girl can be so casual in using the ‘F’ word. From where I belong, we don’t use the word that much. In fact, we knew about its existence while we were on an Industrial Visit during our pre final year of engineering. For those who didn’t understand the Anna University’s sense of Industrial visit please continue reading. Others, skip the part. IV aka Industrial visit is Going on a short vocational trip with the whole class but submitting some shitty documents to the department that reads like we were in training of this and that and blah blah blah. Its much like a don’t ask don’t tell policy.
//substory part 2//We were sitting on our bus planning to lose the crowd to get our own private party by the roofs of a benevolent TASMAC. On the height of the pre plan argument we felt Mahesh getting distracted. He was ogling at a northie girl as she walked by our bus flaunting her beauty. Of course everybody was so taken by the kind of dress she was using to cover herself up. You don’t get to see that much real in places around my college. Well, that wasn entirely true as there was Ms. Deepa to handle Object Oriented Programming Structure. It is only by coincidence that one Object Oriented Structure handles another Object Oriented Structure that too in such a dreary department as mine where every girl thinks herself a greek goddess provided the tasteless seamers (professors and students alike) of my department makes them thinks so.
Back to the point, the northie girl did notice us ogling at her and she was feeling self appreciative but that didn’t last for a long time. Her gait was broken when Mahesh made the classic move. Of course we all had our jaws open down the way but Mahesh, he’d totally lost it. I don’t know whether it was hidden in his sub conscious but he made the sound that classic rowdies are supposed to do. The romantic wolf’s whistle sound, Phew.. Pheeeeewww… Her bright face suddenly turned sullen. As I processed the scene immediately my insane pleasure shot up fogging my cognitive thinking. I leaned out of the window facing her with an ugly sarcastic smile and the next thing you know, her finger was this close to my face. I don’t know what the hell did the primitive brain of hers perceived (remember she was beautiful) but she put her middle finger to stand up against me. I was shocked, confused at this gesture but some part of me still wondered the perfection of the stance her middle finger offered me. It was standing as stiff and hostile as a Pakistani soldier does during their flag hoisting in the frontier lands..
The wonderful visual lasted until our class’s wondergirl Abinaya caught the scene and giggled at us as she happened to pass by there.. Now she is some exception to the classic women judgment system. She is Beautiful but you cant keep hitting at her because she’ll ask you ‘whats your problem’ in your face. She is beautiful but you cant just act a smart guy to her because she knows a hell of a lot more than you do in whatever you are talking about. Her percentage talks about her but she talks about surya all the time (whats the matter with these girls?? That shortie pants is married and he is stupid too. Do you remember this guy from his old movies?? I’d whoop his sorry ass if it’d not been director bala’s work). I even gotta admit that I’d a huge crush on her. Had it been no control systems, I could’ve proposed love to her. In English. You know she is a kind of girl who even needs a kiss to be English. Long term short, English Kiss. Having the leverage of speaking better English than half of the class and the remaining half being girls and she being straight, my chances were fat, puff, huge whatever.. But that didn happen because of one single word. No. Sorry.. two actually. Control Systems. What other reasons can be there??
//the substory part 3// Professor Prem Kumar is the only one who has got shoulders that can carry a wary, weird subject as such as Control Systems. Not to forget the open reputation on his libido towards cute, young and nubile girls that made him a pervert of all time. Mr. Prem Kumar immediately recognized the potential this girl has had and eventually he fell for her. All went well for him that even we boys started gossiping that there might be a thing going on between them. Durai was affirmative of that poison ivy thing from the “you know what” kind of stories from Internet. Durai is sincere towards these stuffs as he spent his body mind and hour with utter dedication in order to achieve that, A true Master. Well, the Master regarded this as a relationship because some hot young girls have a tendency towards middle aged men. The whole information was shattering to me. Having sent the half of my hearteen deep down in a tightly nailed coffin, the other half still is a believer. You know, the true love never ceases kind of cinema stuff we guys have had back in time. The believer felt aroused curiously as he got one news after a semester’s time. Abinaya went to principal’s office…..
The next day everything was so clear. Mr. Prem Kumar an excellent hand, tenured in teaching control systems is not so successful with some parts of Abinaya and displeased her. Ms. Abinaya, as we were expecting her sobbing and sullen turned out to be a cheer leader. What the heck (remember! I still don’t know the ‘F’ word); She came to the class as bright beautiful and shining as she ever was. My coffin’s nails could not contain the jumpy hearteen. I went to her trying to talk something of a consolation to her. As I got near her, there were some other voices. “Hey Abi.. You burnt that old hog down.. rock it baby..” she waved her hands at them and looked at me, ’’uh.. Venkatesh. You were about to say something..’’
“Eh.. umm.. they’d my word abinaya.. I only came to congrats.. ahem.. I wanted to congratulate you.” I hurried away before the last word made its way through. I imagined her giving me a nasty look. The word was on the air that Ms. Abinaya knew everything about Mr. Prem Kumar especially his hands at some other girls who were caught up in some situation and Internal Marks scheme. Obviously, Ms. Fighter Jet has been planning to burn him down and she is successful in her efforts too. Everything was just great to hear but the last ounce of my courage talking to a girl had just dried up by the gravity of events. My heart went sinking down. ‘DUDE.. She is a time bomb with lost timer. . get the heck out of here(still no ‘F’)..’.
Well that is history but today, what that giggle would mean in men’s world. Sorry… I mean, a boy’s world.. A northie girl showing her finger to me and Abinaya giggling at me.. Nooo… I cant just sit this one out. I am going to ask her about it. I’ve been circling in her for almost half of the day. She did notice me but I would cover that up by turning to a shop keeper, looking at my watch, searching my pockets for mobile phone until she decided to come to me.
“Whats the problem Venkatesh?? “
“What?? You’ve been acting so weirdly..”
“Argh., no Abinaya.. nothing like that.. I”
She Interrupted, why would a girl let guys finish while saying something. “Are you Gonna propose me??”
“WHAAAT?? “. I jumped back (Yes I did).
She continued lowering her voice. “Heyyy.. Chill.. “
There was a sudden change in the way she moved as she came towards me.. “You know, you guys often choose IV’s, Birthdays, Farewell days to propose to a girl as if there is some law on it??”
Damn.. she is right. But my alter ego worked faster and mysterious than I ever could be
“Oh come on.. You think Im a kinda guy who feels alone throughout the days waiting for a beautiful place or some rare occasions to tell what he thinks to his lady love?? Gimme a break” I paused..
“You know what; I’ve been looking out over a long time for a girl who just snaps me in seconds” I snapped my index finger with my thumb “You know, she should stun me” my eyes were dreamy when I said this “pchh.. its pathetic. I’ve never met a single girl who could stun me like that”.. I sounded disappointed deliberately.. She is confused letting herself a feast for my ego.
I continued “maybe I should get a bus to another city smash the pulp outta the goons there and propose head goon’s stunning sister..” I paused for her to respond.. She was half smiling looking at my eyes inquisitively trying to hold herself together and the next second, she started to laugh. I did not know what should I do.. I was just looking at her laughing at me.. I watched her hands half closing her lips and it slowly climbed down to her cheek.. neck.. voila.. stop there.. I suddenly remembered some lines from a long forgotten body language book, OH MY GOD.. She is blushing.. My androgens started to pump off. I felt like I should say to her that I love her but some sane part of me kept me from doing so. It rang a bell.. ‘DING!! She is a time bomb man.. Get your head straight..’. By the time she stopped laughing but having the later grin, she passed around me, patting my shoulders.. GOD.. I was flying.. She really touched me.. That too out of intimacy.. I don’t remember anything useful on my lucky star’s monthly prediction table but I turned to ask,” umm.. Abinayaa..”.
She flipped her head and kept walking, inviting me to join her walk, “yea..”.
I do have one thing in mind that I should ask you about..
“You know, back there.. that northie girl was showing some sign to us”, she hurried her pace keeping away from me, “Yeah.. what about it”..
“Hmm.. can you tell me what does that supposed to mean”..
“Oh no”.. Her words came out swiftly.. “forget it..”
She hurried away. I had to shout to make myself audible.. “Heyy Abinaya.. Whats that middle finga”
“Sushhh..” she turned to me. Putting a finger across her lips giving a quick women special glance to the surrounding, “cant you be quiet”.. I stood there totally confused.. not knowing how to proceed.. she came close to me, looking at my eyes again.. she added, “you’re really innocent.. aint you??”
“I don’t know”.. I really don’t know actually. “It is just that the girl threw something at us and we are clueless”
“Sushh”. she bowed a little bit, “I’ll tell you once we are in the bus ok??”
She giggled and hurried away.. I was really clueless but I came to an understanding that the finger thing is something people cant discuss it in a public place. At least not with a girl. The rest of the day went down somehow. All of my gang and our collective intelligence could not crack the nut out of this finger thing. Even we tried to call someone who might know about it. Turned out they are no better than us.
The sun decided to give himself the rest for the day’s work so did our IV in charges. We are all packed good set to go. Its been an hour the big wheels of our bus kept turning (let Bon Jovi forgive me!!).. The whole bus was chattering about the exclusiveness of this trip. I am almost lost in my train of thoughts until my phone decided something else. Phew.. Pheeeewww.. The same romantic rowdy wolf howled again. For one second the whole bus were bound to silence. Not them kind you be expecting when there are girls around. I turned back and Mahesh popped up his head from his mobile love girlfriend in the same instant, the whole bus broke off into huge laughter as if they just saw Rowan Atkinson doing something mischievous. Mahesh managed to ask, ”whats happening”??
Someone replied him,”well.. Venkatesh got a message”
“Phew.. pheeeewww..” the same one. The whole bus went hysterical again. The four of us were looking at each other at acknowledgement. Damn.. The whole bus knew about this finger thing and we did not have had a clue about it.. We were giving away a generalized smile. To be frank, Its not a smile actually.. Its our foolish, sub intellectual submission of not having any clue about whats going on.. Its pretty insulting.. Even for a gang which acquired a reputation of fearsome 4 amidst juniors, unpredictable 4 with lecturers, troublesome 4 with fellow class guys and rowdy 4 with girls of all kind.
Someone else asked, who texts Venkatesh at this hour??
Me being a single soul for the entire 20 years that has passed, is pretty famous than I am. So, that’s an obvious question.
I looked at my mobile and saw a text from one new number. Actually, I was expecting RC111. Exclusive offer for you alone but the text reads as follows
“Hi there!!! Could not sleep without an answer for the middle finger??”
Two naughty smileys followed the text.. I turned back to locate Abinaya with some morbid rush.
“Why Did you turned back”.. A strange voice was coming from my back. I got the scent of Blue for women and a storm brewing up. I turned back.
“Hey.. When did you come”. My voice swayed looking at her furious eyes.
(Lump..) I swallowed an empty gulp of air through my throat. “I am just pressing some keys down for my blog”.
She didn’t wait for me to finish “What about the answer on that middle finger?? You got one??”
“No Baby.. This is just a misunderstanding.. I.. I…”
She interrupted, “What?? Now Im a fool??”
“No.. No way.. You are no fool.. you are smart and”
“And Im not beautiful right??” She interrupted again.
Baby.. I paused, “How long you’ve been reading this??”
“First Answer my question..” She paused between words leaving me threatened.
Err.. Another sip of emptiness down my throat.. “which one”?? I was recalling what I’ve been typing for a second.. (I turned back to locate Abinaya with some kinda rush)
“No..” I jumped back.. . “No baby.. you don’t think like that. I swear. I swear that you’re the first one that I have ever heard or said or anything else that “F” word would stand for.. We’ve already gone through this baby.. I swore on you.. You cant just distrust me like that.. I mean not at all after two months of being.. being..
“being what??” Why wouldn she let me finish at least once.
“You know what?? You’re a pervert. You really are. Either you’ve done everything that this piece of shit talks about” she pointed at my laptop’s monitor or its content, “or you have been fantasizing that?? In that case, who’ll that Abinaya be?? That horny HR you’ve been flirting lately??” She fled the room without bothering my reply.. I raised a ticket towards a client issue and it caught HR’s attention. Its only natural that you smile when you talk to a friendly HR isn’t it??There was silence once again, filling the room. I stood there wondering
What about a little privacy??
A little Intimacy??
A little understanding??
Least thing.. A little respect??
We spent that night alone. She kept herself a way aside me. My train of thought had just left its station leaving only one there. I was looking at Ananya’s face as she kept humming a soft snore.. once an angel, now its converse and the last passenger came to me; will Abinaya be doing the same thing to her fiancée??!!!