p.s – subtitles available only
p.s 2 – aunties / maamis are used interchangeably.
p.s 3 – All the translation is in between // and //.
The introduction of the Indian Aunty:
நாடு சும்மா கிடந்தாலும் கிடக்கும் பாழும் நாகரீகம் அத ஓடி வந்து கெடுக்கும். A
stained metaphor of all those aunties (maamis) whose sole purpose is to ring the wedding
bells to the otherwise innocent Indian parents. Some aunties are just this ultimate evil
embodied in silver, gold and organic compounds. A black hole of all sorts. This maami
destroys everything in her path. All it needs for her is to spend 5 minutes of her time.
“நம்ம காயத்ரியோட பையன் இருக்கான்ல? அமெரிக்கால படிச்சுட்டு கை நிறைய
சம்பாதிச்சுட்டு இருந்தான். அப்புறம் ஒரு கருப்பு பொண்ண கல்யாணம் பண்ணான்,
அவளும் கொஞ்ச நாள்ல இவன விட்டுட்டு போயிட்டா. போன வாரம் phoneல நீங்க
சொன்னதெல்லாம் காதுல போட்டுக்கலையே மாமின்னு கதர்றான். எனக்கு படபடன்னு
//” a painful narration of a failed interracial marriage an Indian male sought upon himself and an unverifiable punchline aimed at satiating the evil aunty’s delusion of being a do gooder”//.
A short walk-through an Indian nuclear family:
The garden variety Indian parents are under the impression that their babies will never
do anything against them and even if their kids like someone; it will all work out fine
and dandy. They have this sense of comfort from the control they possess over their XXXL
infants. That comfort was repeatedly reassured by numerous verbal, financial and social
/We will be seeing an Indian nuclear family where the mom is Shenbagam and her son, pappu / XXXL infant./
/ The intricacies of an Indian parent – child relationship is currently out of scope here and has no fodder for whatever effect the author of this post tries achieve and thus no longer be pursued. /
A momentous journey of the maami:
Lo and behold. The behemoth of an Indian aunty reasserts herself in your family with the
social commitment she thinks she has over the wellness of your family. The wake of this
narcissistic creature, a remnant of the old world monsters, has only one purpose. To
threaten the innocent Indian parents and to make them feel insecure about the control
they possess over the XXXL infant.
This is where the story about a failed interracial marriage is narrated. The aunty,
having mastered the art of story telling as she accumulated tenure by impending
obedience in her children by narrating monster stories, has undergone second mutation to
become a master manipulator of emotions via stories.
What started as “பூச்சாண்டி புடிச்சுட்டு போயிருவான் to the சாப்பிட மாத்தே போ-ing
kid”, // fake attempting a contact with the boogieman to make children obey to her
commands // has evolved to “கருப்பா இருக்கான்.. பொறுக்கி மாதிரி.. பாவம்னு ஏதாச்சும்
பேசினா என்ன ஆகும் தெரியுமா?” // a story about cultural equivalent to black
boyfriend vs single white woman //and then to “மாப்ள நல்லவர் தான்..ஆனா அவங்க
அம்மா, தங்கச்சிலாம் என்ன செய்வாங்க தெரியுமா” // establishing control over the
son-in-law by scaring the daughter by using fictional stories against her in laws // and
now the maami is a successful mother.
Her social status is established by her frequent trips to America to oversee her
daughter’s role as a wife and a puppeteer who is a puppet herself. The effective
disassociation of the son-in-law and his supposedly evil family is a tale in its own but
like we have previously discussed, its outside our bracket.
We have already drifted enough in establishing the maami origins.
Maami and her resolution to fuck your life:
Now the social circle that the maami moves in is well aware of her accomplishments and
there are a bunch of pictures of our maami in front of Niagara falls, statue of liberty,
San Francisco bridge, times square, Stratosphere – Las Vegas and in front of random
American buildings, going rounds in social media. The picture attached is fictional and
not a portrayal of anyone living or dead and I am not known very well for my
However, Maami has allured her peers into opening a facebook account as an effective
means to reestablish control over their XXXL infants. Little did they know about the
maami’s hydra level plan within a plan to establish her social stature as a cool
“உலகம் சுற்றும் மாமி” // “globe trotter” // which could come in handy for her m.o.
As an intended side effect, now your facebook is filled with all the aunties you grew up
with and you are scared as fuck when some / any of the lucky bastards you have for
friends would comment something that will directly prompt a question of character from
this army of aunties. Following could be a transaction based on actual events but you
// Le you: [insert : random social media viral article about Indian men and their
Le bastard friend: dei.. I still remember how much scene you were putting seeing that
Indian stripper in las vegas dream palace ok? //.
Now this is the type of situation where your act of valor and splendor in appealing to
the female population in your friendslist takes a drastic turn and goes south. Your
smartphone has called it a night and you come home after hitting it off in a nightclub
only to see the post and the comment garnering a certain level of attraction you
wouldn’t want. You do the needful and go in to damage control mode and that’s about when
le ping appears.
*from random aunty*
That’s it. The moment of truth. Would you man up and respond to the message or pretend ]
that you weren’t online and do a smartypants pretending that the same Le Bastard Friend
jacked into your account? While you are flummoxed with the very possibility of this
intricate situation, might I remind you, that the person responsible for this unique
scenario is none other than our beloved protagonist – The Maami.
In an unassuming friday evening:
Here begins the chain of events that leads to your destruction.
You are a nice chap. Earning decent money and living the dream. You meet this girl and
things are getting a bit intense. The girl is obviously different from the archetypal
bride that you will be provided with. Be it a single or multi-variants of state, region,
language, age, country and race; she is different from your archetypal bride. But you
are not worried. You have a plan set up. You call your parents to USA. Show them a good
time. Go out with friends. This girlfriend of yours is just playing it right to get your
parents mildly interested on her. Upon its own possibility or in a controlled
environment, you get what you wanted. Your parents say “Ok pa. What about this girl? She
is pretty and seems nice”. You know where this is headed. You have got this. You have
envisioned this moment inside your head, played all the possibilities and planned for
it. You are confident that your parents will agree to your intended proposal. Aww..
Back to reality. Whammy.. Introducing to you, the destruction in motion, covered in
lotion, benchmark mummy, your own maami!!
Actual course of events:
Maami meets your mom. Maami used her skillful narration and maxes out on her hard earned
title as the master manipulator using stories to trigger a threat and response set up.
The unassuming, fairly innocent parents of yours walks right in to the set up. Maami has
got them in a chokehold now.
The doomed story of an otherwise successful america “mappilai” / america mappilai is a
pop reference to the potential Indian bachelor who is churning mad dough in America / is
emotionally strangling them.
They can’t imagine their sweet pappu, the XXXL kiddo, to fall for some witch who would
romp and stomp all over their pappu’s life.
They are scared so much that any girl, the pappu would seek for himself will be this
witch that would suck the bejesusout of their son’s life.
Maami is actually aware that she has got what she wanted. But what makes maami the best
in the business is her special move. The fatality. Maami swipes her iPad (hey whatsup
with the iPad and the maamis anyway?? and shows them the picture of a very drunk pappu
in a danger close proximity to this possible and good looking witch from a different
state. That’s it homeboy. The fatality. Maami wins.
XXXL kiddo is now married to this archetypal bride from India. Girl has no clue about
the life this america mappilai has had as a graduate student. Bro is still not out of
that misery and adding to the top is losing the only girl who was ever interested in his
miserable self. The newcomer chick wants to go to vegas, dip in miami, bigsur ride in
california, a couple of days in disneyland, vacation in hawaii and bro has never gone to
most of these places in his 6 year stint in America only. He knows he has earned his
keep and keeps the head down but the newcomer chick has not even done dishes in her
previous life. What follows is a story of destruction but lets cut back to the
நம்ம காயத்ரி பையன் படுற பாட்ட பாத்துட்டு செண்பகத்துக்கிட்ட எடுத்து சொன்னேன்.
அவ டப்புனு சுதாரிச்சுட்டு என் சொந்தக்கார பொண்ணு ஒருத்தி, நம்ம லக்ஷ்மி
பொண்ணு, தங்கவிக்ரகம் மாதிரி இருப்பா.. அவளுக்கு புடிச்சு கொடுத்துட்டா.. இப்போ
நம்ம செண்பகம் பையன் ராஜாவாட்டம் அந்த பொண்ணு கூட disneyland, hawaiiன்னு
சந்தோசமா சுத்துறான். Swipes open the iPad to invoke her new fatality “A picture of
our pappu tagged in our thangavigraham’s album ‘New beginning with a beautiful
// Maami: Seeing the plight of this failed interracial marriage, I took it upon myself to not to let this happen to our Senbhagam’s son. We found a vbarbie of a girl from my side (a relative) and they’re living happily having honeymoon in Miami, Hawaii and such. Swipes open the iPad to invoke her fatality “A picture of our pappu tagged in our barbie’s album ‘New beginning with a wonderful dream'””//.
Thus the maami is set upon in her path of destruction. Its pappu here, paapu there but
the gender doesn’t warrants maami to deliver any lesser evil. Because, Maami keeps it
real. Maami is everywhere..
Maami is ominous.. Maami is omnipotent..