To love you like I love you is the absolute freedom. It defied construes that I built for myself. It defied the construes everyone else built for me. Then the most beautiful paradox, true to its nature, is born. It defied the construes you built for me as well. To love you is to free myself from my past and to free yourself from your past.
To love you like I love you takes everything away from me, yet stacks me up with you and there is a certain coziness in this nakedness. The nakedness that was an act of freedom I sought from myself.. and you.
It wasn’t always about me. In fact, the way it is about me is because to be me is to be you and what you do to me will be what that makes us. It wasn’t always about me.
You dont trust me? I will certainly call you up and tell you that I found a smile that is more addictive and masochistic than the one your smile has got on me right now. I want to take all this suppression out on you. I then want to make a poem for us.
I want to tell you that the smile that finally choke holded this addictive smile of yours, is in fact yours, but just that this smile smiles at me now. At my love. At your love for me. Thats when I will tell you, with a sense of guilty pleasure, that there is a smile that just freed me from this slavery your smile has got on me. The smile that will light up your face, light it up all the way that I can see it burning in your eyes.
I want to get lost in that moment, just forging that image of you smiling at me, at us, in every single neurons I have got. I would summon them all up, to light me on fire, bringing up the same smile on my face and I want that to be my moment of death.
You know how to add beauty to my death? Its by giving me the memory that would light me up on that last breath of freedom. Then I want to be free from you, as I slowly fill everything thats living inside me, with you. And that would be my freedom. You will get it. That the part that is most alive inside me, is you.
Until then, I would get caught and be slaved by every little thing thats you, only to be freed by another little thing that is you as well. I would only get freed from your smile to be slaved by your eyes. Then it would be your frowning. Then it would be your laugh. Then it would be your eyes again. Your lips. Your beautiful fingers with a stupid nail polish. Your hair in the air. Your naughty smile. Your scent. And then its just you. The summation of everything that frees me and slaves me. The one that literally rocks my world.
You know what happens to me as I look at your smile? Those lips, how quick they dance from being sensual to be quite to be naughty and to be bitten by your teeth as you frown, you know what they do to me?
I love you. I love everything that is you. I want you to have the freedom you graciously gave to me. Here.. Its with me. You have seen it. You just need to take it. You can take it and go away. Come back again if you will. But when you do, you’ll find me searching for this elusive poem that I wanted to make. Then you can take that poem, decorate it with words, may be a kiss for I am greedy and then it would be us and ours. You will be my poem but you won’t be elusive anymore. I will be growing old but I won’t really be old because I have got a poem that would stop time for me.
We would grow old anyway, at least to others eyes, and then there will be a day when I say this to you again. That I love you. However strong the word is, then you will know that what I feel is much stronger than that. We both know words can’t die and I guess something that is even stronger won’t even grow old.
You know why I am being so cocky? Because you know.. me being is to be you is to be us. Its actually me thats elusive, if you could think about it. You will think about it..